Well, I were a teenager and I know exactly how does it feel when you are young and you feel like you need to be somewhere in the center of attention. The feeling will pass (luckily), but your compulsion of conformity might not, if you not work on it. The work involves self-development, what is huge part of it.
The best start if you gain self-awareness and work on your goals (the sooner the easier and better), instead thinking over and over what others are thinking about you.
First, you cannot control how others perceive you, that is why trying to impress them have no sense. They might not like how you look like, or your clothes, style, shoes, shape, how do you talk, behave etc. You won’t be able to be perfect for everyone ever. There are 8 billion people out there on Earth. It would be ridiculous even just the assumption that people (all of them) will like you one day. That’s not the case.
So, let’s start what does self-development is, how we can find out what cause the feelings to impress others, how to understand it, then think about what a solution is not and what could be the solution. 🙂
What are the causes?
Impressing people might come from insecurity.
How can you feel that feeling less? By answering those questions to yourself:
- By finding out what bring these feelings out from yourself?
- Identifying your feelings e.g.: when this is happening?
- Why are you doing what you are doing?
- When did it start?
- What others are doing when you feel this?
- Why do you want to stop this behavior?
These are all the questions you need to ask, and to have answered before you find a solution. You need to understand what the “problem” is you are dealing with, to produce proper solutions.
What is not a solution?
Doing things to gain other’s approval, as they are going to be more demanding, and you might be “forced” by them to do things against your own core values, so that is not a solution.
Some people will never like you, even if they do not know you, you might be disliked, or ignored by them, because of their own reasons, whatever they find out for themselves. Due to this reason trying to impress people, who already decided, that they do not like you have no sense and your thinking and overthinking about this topic will lose you precious time.
What are the solutions?
You need to work on yourself to find out how to overcome on your insecurities, and work on what you miss from your life, improve and outgrow this behaviour. For this you need to do daily consistent actions, investing your time, and the work, so it is not enough to think and wish that I want to be this or that…
Write down your goals, what do you want to change or develop on yourself. Take actions.
Changes needs time, which means if you are working on yourself, you become patient, then you can change your behaviour and attitude on the long run. Meanwhile you are working on yourself you will become a vastly different person with your own experiences, self-control, and confidence, which is crucial to fulfil your life.
Start with understanding
To be able to understand how self-development works you need to understand your behaviour: what you are doing and why? What kind of changes in your life what kind of results have. Have people around you, who are motivating and help you to level up.
Not easy to change if your “friends” are your foes. On social media you might follow people you admire and motivate you; and unfollow those who are unrealistic, or you question yourself because of them. Be the best and happiest version of yourself. Check yourself how this change going from time to time.
You need to have a firm believer and support yourself to be able to achieve changes.
The Self-development journey
Trying & “Failing”
Find out your own interest and hobbies, which might be similar or different from the rest, find out new things, and be creative. You do not need to do what everyone else is doing. To find a new interest you need to try.
Be a child again and try out new different things, try and “fail”, that is how children start to walk. That is how you need to find out what is good for you as an interest and what is not. That is how you can find out a lot of things in life, because if you never try, then how do you know if you would like it or not?
“Spend time alone. Get comfortable with yourself. See what you’re capable of. The more you learn a “quiet skill” the less you will seek to impress others, because you will be fulfilled.” (Morgan Crowley)
That is an enjoyable time to learn something, and you will find out later why this learning was good for you. With time and self-understanding, you will understand you do not have to impress others to stand-out.
You are unique with your own flaws and strengths, and what you need is to find out what makes you feel happy and content, not impressing the rest. That will be the point when you feel good. That is what makes others to be attracted to you.
When you invest your time into your own improvement, you will have no time to impress others, but this will be the time others will be interested in you.
Why don’t you want to be the center of attention anymore?
You have already realized for something more important, that life is short and chasing something, which has no sense is a waste of time.
Learning how to be independent from others, from their thoughts, and approval is a highly respected life skill, you do not need others to be able to live your life fully.
In some cases, counselling might help you to have a healthy self-worth & self-esteem if you were not taught that or if it was not a priority while you were growing up.
If that is not the case then be comfortable with the uncomfortable that not everyone will like you, even if you invest all the time you have to your own self-development, but that is not expected.
Just find yourself and be yourself. Live your own life, and those who will care will care. You need to find out who are those people who deserve your precious energy, attention, and time.
The decision is always yours.
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